If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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