it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
