I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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