you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
