3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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