I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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