I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
