im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
