I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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