Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
