I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
