Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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