i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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