I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
