last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
