I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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