Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
