thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
