I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
