I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
