ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
