I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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