oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
