he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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