We're facebook friends in real life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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