I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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