a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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