sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
