she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
