I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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