Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My ATM looks so different sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
