drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
