Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
