mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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