Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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