Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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