You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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