WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
