He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
