Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
