One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
