I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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