AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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