you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
