I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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