well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
