She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
