why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
