p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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