I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize