I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
