I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
