these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
