no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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