idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
