my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
