SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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