Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
