Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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