your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
