My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
