her facebook's as public as her vagina
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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