Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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