i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
