..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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