Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was like his penis was on wheels.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
