He kissed a someone with a penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
