im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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