I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
